Standing in the Gap 2025: An Address by Killian Noe
On September 25, 2025, our community was gathered by Recovery Café Seattle for the annual Standing in the Gap fundraiser. Together, over $970,000 was raised to support the transformative work of Recovery Café. Co-founder Killian Noe addressed the audience with the following message:
When I was in my early 20’s, I served as a volunteer in the Middle East for two years, supporting doctors, nurses, and teachers serving in Gaza and the West Bank.
At the end of the two years, I found myself at a crossroad. On the one hand, family and friends were urging me to come home. On the other hand, I was being urged to stay in the Middle East for a third year of service.
I was terrified of making the wrong choice. So, I visited Dr. Lindsay, the oldest and wisest person I knew at the time.
Decades earlier, Dr. Lindsay had literally run into the line of fire to rescue a stranded child. One of his legs had been blown off. Sometimes during meetings, if his artificial limb was bothering him, he’d remove it and stand it up in the corner of the room. That got my attention.
Anyway, I shared with Dr. Lindsay my dilemma of whether to return home or stay another year. He said, “If you go home to your family and friends, you will be a blessing. And if you stay in the Middle East for a third year, you will be a blessing. The possibilities for offering your life are endless. You do not need to be so afraid of getting the where and how wrong. What matters is your desire to offer your life.”
By the way, I did stay a third year and fell in love with the person I have been married to for the past 43 years.
I have long since come to believe that all of us were created to offer our lives as transmitters of love. Many languish over the where and how. For those parenting small children, the where and how is staring you in the face—literally—often during the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep.
But, for most life stages, I suggest finding a need that breaks your heart and a way to serve that brings you joy. Both heartbreak and joy are essential in offering our lives.
Don’t wait until you are 100% sure you’ve found just the right way to offer your life. And don’t wait until you’ve gotten your life all put together. Our limitations and losses, as well as our gifts and assets, are needed in the transmission of love.
We currently have 81 Recovery Cafes and will add 15 new groups on Nov. 6, bringing the total to 96 Recovery Cafes. Everything we do and will do at the 96 Recovery Cafes across the U.S. and Canada is for the purpose of helping members, staff, and volunteers know that we are loved and transmitters of love.
It is crucial to come to know we are loved. It is “next level” to claim that we are transmitters of love.
So the question I hope we can work with this morning is: How do we stay so grounded in love that we transmit love to every single life that is touched by ours? How do we show up AS LOVE in the lives of others?
I’d like to offer five very brief reminders that will not be new to any of you, transmitters.
First, if we are to be transmitters of love in these challenging times, we have to be honest about all the ways the dominant consciousness has permeated our own consciousness.
When I refer to the dominant consciousness, I am not referring to the policies of any one political party. I am referring to the pervasive assumptions in our larger culture about money and power; about the widening gap between those who have what they need to thrive and those who do not. I am referring to the assumptions about who gets included and who gets left out; about who gets embraced and who gets terrorized; assumptions about who is celebrated and who is despised.
What do the hundreds of thousands of people suffering on U.S. from homelessness and/or mental illness tell us about our nation’s values?
We take in many of the values and assumptions of our dominant culture with our mother’s milk, and those values and assumptions are often in direct opposition to the way of love.
AJ Muste famously protested the Vietnam War by holding a candle outside the White House night after night for years on end. Once a reporter asked him, “Do you really think you are going to change the assumptions of this country by standing in front of the White House night after night holding a lit candle?” Muste replied, “I don’t know, but I must do this to keep those assumptions from changing me.”
Perhaps the deepest call of all 96 Recovery Cafes is to be lit candles in the darkness of our time—to embody for the larger, divisive culture what it looks like when a group of individuals live like we belong to each other, because we do.
Second, if we are to be transmitters of love, we must stay committed to whatever practices keep us connected to the power of love at the core of our being.
For some, that is a daily prayer or meditation practice. Others find that in uncertain times like these, we need more silence and less news.
As overwhelmed and powerless as some feel right now, we must find ways to stay connected to what Martin Luther King, Jr. called “love-force,” which is within every single one of us. All of our efforts will be limited in their power to heal and transform unless they emerge from that love-force. Martin Luther King, Jr. reminds us, “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Third, another thing we must do if we are to be transmitters of love is stay grounded in authentic community.
We cannot live the rigorous way of love as lone rangers. We all need at least one place where we can lay bare our struggles, our losses, and our joys. This is the power of our Recovery Circles.
A bewildered, blurry-eyed newcomer to my Recovery Circle asked, “How do I even begin this recovery journey when every morning for the past 20 years I have met my dealer at 9 AM?” Without skipping a beat, a member of our Circle, whose face was warm and worn, replied, “Tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM you’ll be meeting me.”
Fourth, if we are to be transmitters of love in the times in which we are living, we need relationships that cross the chasms in our larger culture.
We need real relationships that cross socio-economic, racial, religious, political, and other divides. Very few people have real relationships that take us out of our own bubble, our own circle of family and friends. And yet it is real relationships with those whose realities are different from our own that change us and ultimately change our world.
One of the great, transformative friendships in our Recovery Café community was the friendship between a middle-aged man who had once been outspoken against gay people and a younger, gay man who used to sing “Oh Holy Night” every year at our Christmas party in drag. Before coming to Recovery Café, neither had ever had a friendship with someone quite like the other.
Real relationships help us claim the oneness of the human family, which we deny at our own peril.
Finally, if we are to be transmitters of love—instead of taking our marching orders from the dominant culture, we must practice letting go of all hurts and resentments, great and small. We must practice forgiving all, including ourselves.
This is one of Recovery Café’s Guiding Principles, which is articulated at the start of each day. Forgiving does not mean what happened was in any way acceptable. One member shared with me, “After decades of numbing my pain, I realized I had to forgive my abusive father if I was ever going to be free.”
And forgiving does not forgo accountability. Look at South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission. The capacity to forgive such cruelty is beyond my comprehension. But I believe with all my heart that forgiving everything and everyone is the path toward the freedom that is our birthright.
Is there someone you need to forgive? Today would not be too soon.
For our world desperately needs each one of us to transmit transforming love. It is our only hope.
Watch the full video of Killian’s speech here:
If you were unable to attend the event, there is still an opportunity to make a gift by visiting RC Seattle’s donation page.